wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
