She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
