Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
