also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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