It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
