You just made me feel so damn special
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
