I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
