I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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