Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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