I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
