I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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