whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
