she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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