I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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