Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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