I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
