So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
