Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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