We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
