There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
