i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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