last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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