if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
