i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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