do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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