got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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