She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
