i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dicks are not precious.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
