why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
