there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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