Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
