He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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