oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
