i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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