So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the liver wants what the liver wants
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
