just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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