I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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