carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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