the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
