from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
