i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
