You really coming over, don't trick.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
