you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
