sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
