I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
