I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
