his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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