I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
