I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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