I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
