can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
