New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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